The Neckline Style That Literally Looks Good on Everyone

Here's my new manifesto: I will no longer be wearing shirts with ridiculous trendy necklines. You heard it here first. I have found a neckline style that can make any person, no matter their body type or personal style, look stunning.

I am tired of weird off the shoulder tops. I am tired of asymmetrical necklines that make it impossible to find the right bra. I am tired of those shirts that somehow combine a choker with a plunging neckline to show off some sexy, sexy, sternum action. I am tired of crewnecks that can make any amount of bust look like a uniboob. It seems that with today's fast fashion that we start switching to absurd necklines when we exhaust the current trends. But no longer. Because square necklines look good on literally anyone.

I am of the opinion that we have been ignoring the fashion potential of square necklines. Recently we've swapped her for her low budget sisters, the strapless and the off the shoulder. Just think of the money we have saved on sleeves. These twins have one fatal flaw, however, in that it is impossible to find a bra that works with these styles that is also comfortable. Sure, I want to expose some clavicle, but I also don't want to spend the entire evening yanking my strapless bra up as it attempts to turn into a belt.

You see, for those of us with any semblance of a bosom, going braless is simply not an option. And in our triumphantly stunted millennia, it is still frowned upon to allow your bra straps to show. For a woman like me who has, to put it delicately, humungous cha chas, nip covers or sticky bras are just inviting a possible injury. You could poke an eye out with those things.

So, either you wear a bra with pretty straps, which is impossible because all I own is a wide array of slightly tan brassieres, or you must wedge your bazoongas into the medieval torture device that we call... a strapless bras. But with a square neckline, you'll have sleeves to disguise any strappage and you can wear whatever over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder best suits your breasty needs.

The square neck top displays enough of the collarbone and sternum that you have the impression of scandalous décolletage, but not so much that strangers will judge you on public transportation. For those with tiny tatas, the square neckline can create the impression of being more voluptuous as it shows more skin. For those with more generous jugs, you will achieve a flattering cleavage line without seeming as if you have a butt taped to your chest. If you are curvy, this neckline will balance out your figure. If you have a narrow frame, it will create visually interesting angles. It can extend as low as you would like or barely skim your clavicle. It's a lot more interesting than a turtleneck and basically any accessory looks great, whether a chain or a choker.

Large knockers, tiny titties, uneven boobies, it does not matter. Tall, short, narrow, wide, in between, and on Halloween. You can keep your weird cowl necks and the halter tops that feel like a light chokehold for another day. The square neckline is a blessing to us all.

Furthermore, the difficulty I had in finding photos for this should only further prove that none of us are wearing this style enough.

Why All the Police Lineups on TV are WRONG

If you are a human person who is currently alive, chances are you have seen a scene on a television show with the dramatization of a police lineup. Sometimes they are great, intense moments where we can see a detective's thought process, sometimes they are hilarious moments of having the lineup sing "I Want It That Way." In either situation, they are usually portrayed incorrectly.

The scene above is one of the funniest cold opens in the history of Brooklyn Nine Nine, and possibly in the history of television. But any police officer or psychologist will tell you that this is not the proper way to orchestrate a police lineup.

Having a bunch of different people who look very different is not going to actually help you find the perpetrator who committed a crime. If the victim has an image of the killer that they have likely already told the officers about, then there is no point in having a bunch of random people there. If the victim says that the perp was a white guy and then there is only one white guy in the lineup, that is probably who they will pick. Does that mean that they found the right guy? Unlikely.

(To further beat this point to death, if the witness reported being robbed by a ballet dancer and they are show the lineup above, they are probably going to pick #3, the only ballet dancer. Does that mean that she is the criminal? No. It means the victim has picked the number that most accurately lines up with their idea of the criminal. If you want to do this lineup properly, it should really be a bunch of very similar looking ballerinas.)

In a study reported in Psychology Today by Dr. Art Markman, it was found that witnesses were more likely to select a distinctive figure rather than the correct one. "People shown a lineup in which only one suspect had a distinctive feature often selected that face, whether it was the actual perpetrator or an innocent suspect."

The truth is that eyewitness testimony is often incredibly unreliable. Memories can be clouded by intense emotion, and sometimes a person will construct the scene in their head without realizing it isn't accurate. Context is incredibly important. The accuracy of eyewitness testimony has been hotly debated in psychological circles, so if you want IDs to be of any help at all, you have to do it right. Although eyewitness testimony can be the clincher in many criminal cases, it can often lead law enforcement on a wild goose chase.

"Mistaken eyewitness identification accounts for more than 70% of wrongful convictions that are ultimately overturned by what law enforcement officers are increasingly considering more objective DNA evidence," wrote Maia Szakavitz in Time. This is why proper police procedure is very important if a lineup is to be effective in any way.

The American Psychological Association actually has recommendations for police lineups based on studies of memory and cognition. You never want to put something in a witness' head that wasn't there before. Officers shouldn't be giving the victims any ideas as that could potentially cause them to come to a different conclusion.

If a witness has given a specific description, it is important that the people in the lineup match that description. Otherwise, the victim may choose someone who happens to have a distinctive face or bad vibes rather than the real perpetrator. There cannot be any factors that could sway a suggestible witness. You don't want them to pick out a suspect just because they were tall or because they talked funny. You want them to pick the person because they are certain.

The APA suggests that witnesses are informed that the person who committed the crime might not even be in the lineup. This helps them to be more discerning as they are less likely to feel pressured to pick someone. Recently some police departments have chosen an alternative of showing photos to witnesses. This may help decrease the emotional intensity of the situation so that the person can focus. In this case, the APA often recommends a sequential display of photos, where the person is required to make a decision before moving onto the next photo. Police officers are also supposed to record the results in detail.

(In a situation like this, not only are the wildly varied heights and appearance going to mislead the witness into thinking they have picked the right person, but they may even pick the person who just happened to be the better actor. The real perp probably isn't going to recreate the scene to their best ability since they know it will land them in jail)

(I also have never seen this movie in its entirety, so I am focusing on the problems in this scene alone without knowing how the movie actually ends. Who are the Usual Suspects, anyway?)

Eyewitness account alone is not enough to seal a conviction or even charges. In fact, the APA reported on the limitations of eyewitness testimony techniques: "Many prison inmates whose convictions hinged on eyewitness identification were later proven innocent by DNA testing." Officers are required to have evidence as well if they want to make the charges stick. While an emotional testimony may certainly dampen some eyes in the jury, it does not mean that the right person has been caught. In order to ensure that justice is served, police officers must follow the letter of the law and prove the guilt of the criminal. Pointing a person out in a lineup just isn't enough.

Luckily, police officers today are well aware of that. Law enforcement and psychologists often work in tandem, both to increase the effectiveness of law enforcement techniques and to ensure the mental and emotional health of those in the field. Unfortunately, it seems that once again, directors and writers for television haven't caught up with that. It may be a hilarious moment when "Scary Terry" fills out a police lineup, but it won't be great when the witness chooses the only guy who was making a scene even though he's not the perp. If I see another blatantly incorrect police lineup on my favorite cop shows, I will heave my laptop out the window. Please make it look like these officers actually know how to do their jobs. Thank you.

Bonus fact: Police lineups are sometimes called "identity parades."

Affordable Line Art Decor for Terrible Artists

Here's how to get sleek, chic, line art inspired decor for your apartment without taking art classes or sinking your money at Urban Outfitters. From one terrible artist to another.

I made a mistake in my attempts to decorate my apartment. Picture this: it is May, my parents will be in town for graduation in a week, and the only thing my roommate and I have in our living room is a threadbare couch that the last tenant left behind. In an attempt to impress my parents with my decorating skills, I decided to purchase some minimalist, framed line art from Urban Outfitters. This decision was my first mistake.

I spent one of my last college lectures actually scrolling through the Urban website for art that I liked that hopefully would match my new space when I inevitably moved. It needed to be simple and elegant and not too expensive. I spent an exorbitant amount of money on two canvases that ended up looking a lot smaller, and to add Insult to Injury, I paid for rush shipping. I wanted it to arrive before my parents did so that my apartment looked like someone actually lived there. Ironically, Fed Ex refused to ship to my complex and thus I did not receive my package until after my parentals had left.

These are the two prints I got. The lefthand one is The Woman with Flower print by Nadja and the righthand one is the Pinky Swear print by Explicit Design, both sold on Urban Outfitters. If you think this picture is small on your screen, don't worry-- it is similarly just as tiny in my apartment.

I still really do like that line art, though. I loved how elevated and simple it looked. It would match with any color scheme of any future residence, even if I happened to move in with someone who just loved the color orange (let us all pray I never fall for someone who decorates with orange). Considering that it was all lines, I wanted to believe that I could do it myself. I had only limited belief in my skills as an artist, but I was willing to try.

Luckily, you don't have to be super great at art to make these canvases. I painted two large canvases with a stencil method that got me through sorority crafting season, and now these canvases are the centerpiece of my apartment decor. And, it is almost as easy as tracing.

Any large, reasonably sturdy canvas that you could get at Urban Outfitters is going to be upwards of $200 if you get it framed. Sometimes you have to make art yourself. I love art inspired decor, but my hand just isn't steady enough to reliably make art without crazy amounts of tracing. I can draw flowers or geometric shapes to create a cool effect... But should I try to sketch a human or an animal, the results are... embarrassing. I draw like a child who only barely passed art in third grade.

Here's where my stencil comes in.

This is the finished image I made with my stencil method.

This is what you will need for this project:

• Paint in the color of your preference.

• Starter paint brush kit (mine is from Michael's) (I accidentally got watercolor brushes, but they worked fine)

• Canvas of your preferred size (check Michael's for deals- I got two 24x30 ones for 70% off)

• Computer paper

• Pencil

• Ballpoint pen

If you have a version of your image on the computer, you can conceivably scale it and print it for this trick to work. I did not have a printer, so I essentially used my computer as a lightbox.

1. Scale your image to the size you'd like that will fill your computer screen. If your canvas is large, you may need to cut the images into different quadrants and repeat this step until you have traced all of the quarters.

2. You'll fill the screen with the image, put your brightness at the maximum setting, and tape a piece of computer paper to the screen. Make sure not to touch the trackpad, or you will risk shifting the image.

3. The lines of the image will show through onto the paper with the light of the screen. You will trace the bold lines of the image out with a highlighter. Since this is line art and improv is great for adding a personal touch just make sure you have the most important lines done. Since I am bad at drawing faces, I traced the profile from a sketch tutorial and freehanded the flowers.

The finished stencil

4. Once you are satisfied with the shape you will be transferring, flip your paper over to the wrong side. Shade the back side with a pencil. It is easiest to use a standard #2 pencil, but I have made it work with a mechanical pencil.

Use a pencil to scribble over the outline on the wrong side of the paper

5. Place your image onto the canvas where you would like it to be with the pencil marked side facing down. Use office or washi tape to secure the stencil in place if you are worried about it moving.

This is the stencil I made and taped into place for my other canvas

6. You will essentially be transferring the pencil marks onto the canvas to make a perfect outline. On the top side, draw over the original stencil with a ballpoint pen. You do not need to you excessive pressure; normal writing pressure will work fine. Don't tear the paper. The ballpoint of the pen will cause the pencil marks to actually appear on the canvas.

7. Remove the paper. The pencil sketch will be visible as a thin line where you pressed, which you can now paint over with your chosen color of paint.

8. Paint away!

Adding your own personal touch to this project is key. Breath life into a simple sketch by adding flourishes of your own invention. I used a basic sketch that I found online to create the figure for these, but I added the bouquet afro and the peony head out of my own idea. The great thing about this method is it let my imagination run wild for the flower painting, considering it looked very dreamy when it was sketchy, but I still had the clean lines for the body so that my human figures actually looked like people. It is also a very personal piece that no one but me will ever have, considering that it is not an exact recreation of any one work of art.

two finished beauties

The overall project cost me less than just one of those small Urban canvases cost. Now all four of them, both the purchased prints and the piece they inspired, hang above my bed. And I have to say... It looks pretty damn good.