Here's my new manifesto: I will no longer be wearing shirts with ridiculous trendy necklines. You heard it here first. I have found a neckline style that can make any person, no matter their body type or personal style, look stunning.
I am tired of weird off the shoulder tops. I am tired of asymmetrical necklines that make it impossible to find the right bra. I am tired of those shirts that somehow combine a choker with a plunging neckline to show off some sexy, sexy, sternum action. I am tired of crewnecks that can make any amount of bust look like a uniboob. It seems that with today's fast fashion that we start switching to absurd necklines when we exhaust the current trends. But no longer. Because square necklines look good on literally anyone.
I am of the opinion that we have been ignoring the fashion potential of square necklines. Recently we've swapped her for her low budget sisters, the strapless and the off the shoulder. Just think of the money we have saved on sleeves. These twins have one fatal flaw, however, in that it is impossible to find a bra that works with these styles that is also comfortable. Sure, I want to expose some clavicle, but I also don't want to spend the entire evening yanking my strapless bra up as it attempts to turn into a belt.
You see, for those of us with any semblance of a bosom, going braless is simply not an option. And in our triumphantly stunted millennia, it is still frowned upon to allow your bra straps to show. For a woman like me who has, to put it delicately, humungous cha chas, nip covers or sticky bras are just inviting a possible injury. You could poke an eye out with those things.
So, either you wear a bra with pretty straps, which is impossible because all I own is a wide array of slightly tan brassieres, or you must wedge your bazoongas into the medieval torture device that we call... a strapless bras. But with a square neckline, you'll have sleeves to disguise any strappage and you can wear whatever over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder best suits your breasty needs.
The square neck top displays enough of the collarbone and sternum that you have the impression of scandalous décolletage, but not so much that strangers will judge you on public transportation. For those with tiny tatas, the square neckline can create the impression of being more voluptuous as it shows more skin. For those with more generous jugs, you will achieve a flattering cleavage line without seeming as if you have a butt taped to your chest. If you are curvy, this neckline will balance out your figure. If you have a narrow frame, it will create visually interesting angles. It can extend as low as you would like or barely skim your clavicle. It's a lot more interesting than a turtleneck and basically any accessory looks great, whether a chain or a choker.
Large knockers, tiny titties, uneven boobies, it does not matter. Tall, short, narrow, wide, in between, and on Halloween. You can keep your weird cowl necks and the halter tops that feel like a light chokehold for another day. The square neckline is a blessing to us all.
Furthermore, the difficulty I had in finding photos for this should only further prove that none of us are wearing this style enough.
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